Cigarette Burns
by Sweetie Amoeba
Summary: You have to be careful around Johnny Cade, even when he's hiding something from you. PonyboyXJohnny SLASH.


Johnny showed up at our house around eleven. Usually he gets here before that, like seven or eight, but not tonight. Tonight was different. I heard his heavy footsteps on the porch and Soda went to greet him.

"Hey Soda. Hi everyone."

He looked slouchy and dejected. I immediately got up from the couch and went over to him.

"Hey Johnnycake. So, what's the damage?"

He mostly comes over here after his dad's taken a few swings at him. I looked him over and found no new bruises on his face. Just to be safe, I held his jaw in my hand and turned his head gently from side to side, checking for injuries. His skin was warm under my fingers. Warm and soft.

My heart started beating loudly. _Dammit, why now?_

I'd been crushing on Johnny Cade for a few months now. I don't know how it started. Maybe I had noticed how pretty he was, how small and innocent he was. Even though he was older than me and probably wiser, I wanted to protect him and make him mine. I wanted to kiss him and touch him and hear him moan...

I blushed and shook the thought out of my mind. Johnny was my friend. He didn't want me like I wanted him. _No one will ever want me because I'm unpopular and I have weird-colored eyes and I'm too short and..._

I tried to ignore my insecurities and listened to what Johnny was saying.

"It's not bad, it really isn't. Just slapped me around a little and kicked me out of the house." He said. "Um...anyone got a cigarette?"

"Oh, thanks, Pony." He said limply as I passed him one.

Darry, who was sitting on the couch, said: "Why don't you take off your jacket and come watch TV with us?"

"Oh, uh...I'm gonna keep it on, I'm pretty cold."

"You sure, Johnny?" said Soda quizzically. But when Johnny nodded, he just shrugged and ruffled Johnny's greasy hair.

In the glow of the television, Johnny's features were grim and illuminated. His dark eyes gleamed. He had a fading black eye, now just a shadow of yellowish green on his temple. He looked so young. He was really attractive, but he didn't even seem to know it. Looks were the least of his problems. He was always so easily frightened. You had to be careful around Johnny Cade.

Half an hour later, Darry lurched off the couch. "Time for bed everyone. And that means you too, Johnny."

He sighed and stood up, looking even more dejected than usual. On the nights that he stays with us, he normally sleeps on the couch by himself. I started to move towards my room, but his pained expression told me that tonight was different, that we really shouldn't leave him alone.

"Hey, Johnny, you okay?" I asked gently.

He closed his eyes. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just tired is all." He began to lie down on the couch, but Soda stopped him.

"I'll sleep here tonight, Johnnycake. You two get some rest and keep each other company." Soda's features were chiseled and grim. He was concerned about Johnny. Whatever was wrong, he had noticed it, too.

"Alright. G'night everybody," I said, as Johnny followed me to the bedroom.

I realized then that since Soda was sleeping on the couch, I'd be sharing a bed with Johnny Cade. I couldn't believe it. I started worrying like crazy.

What if I had a dream about him? That had been happening lately. Just a few nights ago, I had dreamed about us being alone in the vacant lot, sitting together on the hood of a rusty abandoned car. We were watching the stars when all of a sudden, Johnny had started...touching me.

_His hand started to slide up my thigh and I gasped in surprise._

"_Johnny..." I whispered, but I didn't say anything else because he was staring me right in the eyes. He leaned forward, closer and closer, and finally he touched his mouth to mine. Not with a lot of motion, but merely applying warmth and gentle pressure. He pulled me on top of him and his fingers trailed down my spine, making me tingle. My breath was coming in ragged gasps. I gently twisted my fingers in his shiny black hair, and he let out a soft moan._

"Hey, Pony, are you alright?"

Johnny was leaning against the wall of my bedroom, looking at me strangely. I had been lost in my imagination.

"Um, yeah I'm fine," I said, grinding my teeth and blushing in shame.

I briskly pulled off my shirt and hopped into bed, wanting to get this over with. Johnny just stood there nervously.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked.

The word "coming" made me blush even harder. I cursed my inappropriate mind.

"Um...Pony..." he said softly, looking at the floor.

"Just take your jacket off and get in."

He bit his lip and looked at the ceiling for a second, then slowly took his denim jacket off.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

His arms were spotted by small, circular burns. Some of them looked newer, and some looked old and faded, like they'd happened a long, long time ago. He cringed as his jacket fell to the floor.

"Johnny..."

"I guess you were gonna find out sooner or later," he half-whispered, looking at his jacket.

I moved out from under the covers and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Johnny, who did this to you?" Then I felt like an idiot for asking. "It was your dad, wasn't it?"

"Mm-hm."

His flawless, tan face glowed in the yellow lamplight. He had never showed me the burns before, or anyone else for that matter. He kept it hidden away under the layers of denim and cotton and flannel, the standard greaser wardrobe. No one knew but me.

He pointed to a bright red circle on his forearm. "That one's from earlier tonight," He said in a choked whisper.

I swallowed.

"Is there more?" I asked, my voice trembling.

He nodded.

"Can I see?"

Slowly, so slowly, he slipped his shirt over his head. His chest and ribs were spotted with burns. Not as many as on his arms, but still, there they were.

I just sat there for a moment, shivering. The room was slightly cold. Then I got up, picked up his shirt and jacket, and set them on the dresser.

Shirtless Johnny, standing in the middle of the room. He looked pained and nervous, but strangely blank. I walked over to him, barely aware of what I was doing, and looked at him face-to-face.

His eyes gleamed in the low light. He looked so young. His gorgeous, expectant face peered up at me from under dark eyelashes.

"There's more, isn't there?"

Another nod.

"Show me, Johnny."

"Pony, you really don't..."

"Yes I do. I wanna see it all. Please."

And I reached for his zipper.

He let out a small gasp as I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, slowly easing them off. He stepped out of them timidly, now wearing nothing but gray boxers. There were more burns on his legs, permanent burns from when he was younger and weaker and couldn't run away.

I clenched my teeth together as he kicked his jeans across the floor. He let me take his pants off. _He let me take his pants off. Johnny Cade is actually letting me undress him. This isn't all there is. There are more burns underneath his boxers. I could just reach out and take them off! He'd let me!_

He'd let me. I think he wants this too.

So I stepped closer to him and slid my thumbs into the waistband of his boxers. I pulled them down and he stepped out of them, now completely exposed.

I started breathing faster. There were even more cigarette burns on his hips and thighs, but I barely even noticed. All I could see was Johnny's "member," staring me in the face. I gasped and looked over Johnny's shoulder at the wall behind him, avoiding eye contact. I felt myself hardening.

"That's it, Pony. That's all there is," he whispered in my ear.

And I said: "I'm sorry."

He was naked and I was shirtless and here we were, alone, and I was terrified and shocked and absolutely insane with desire.

_Poor Johnny,_ is what I thought next. _Poor, poor Johnny. His dad burns him and hits him, his mom screams at him and pretends that he doesn't exist._ But there he was, staring up at me with an unfamiliar look in his eye.

Gently, I traced a few burns on his ribs with my fingertips. His eyes fluttered shut and he made a quiet little whiny noise in his throat. I could feel him trembling.

Life is so cruel to people like him. Nothing seemed to matter anymore so I did what I'd wanted to do for what seemed like forever. I grabbed his chin, tilted his head back and kissed him.

He gasped loudly, then sighed as I slipped my hands down his chest, stopping to brush over his rosy nipples. He gently rested his hands on my back. His lips parted, allowing my tongue to slide in and rub against his.

There was a drawn-out moment of pure sensuality; no thoughts, no emotions. The feeling of his tight, wiry body beneath my hands was enough to make my mind go completely blank.

It was so amazing. Johnny. Johnny Cade. God, I loved him.

I loved him and I wanted him.

I reached down and grasped his erection. Instantly, he pushed me away, panting, "Pony, stop."

I made myself stop and asked him what was wrong.

"I'm not ready for that, Ponyboy." he gasped.

"It's okay, Johnny," I said, hiding my disappointment. "You don't have to do anything you aren't ready for."

He bit his lip. "Listen...I-I really like you, Pony. Really I do. I just can't...oh god..."

I hugged him. "Shhh, it's okay."

I was so close to getting what I wanted, but like I said, you had to be careful with Johnny Cade.


End file.
